I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize