I want to have your abortion
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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