i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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