I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
