Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
