I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
i need some magic done to my vagina
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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