I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
this will be a night to untag.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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