Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
