but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
