I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
