If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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