dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
