My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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