My balls are so social today.
Four minutes until I can fart!
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
