Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
