This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
