dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
