Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Randomize
