Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
