unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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