2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
