I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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