Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
