So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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