She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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