i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
