She said her name was "party"
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
