you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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