Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Randomize
