So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
