I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
