Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
