LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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