So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
