there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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