thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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