ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
