Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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