I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
