Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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