he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
