When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize