The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I wish there were birth control emojis
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
