I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
