He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
