my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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