They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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