I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
