I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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