I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
