Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
