I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
