So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Oh god it's open bar.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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