sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
