i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
