You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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