Just cropdusted the office
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
