You can't special order awesome
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
