Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
You're so nebulous sometimes
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
