He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
