when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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