Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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