Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
