i jhust puked up my retainher.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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