he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
