Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
