I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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