my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
